Embarrassed and nervous about speaking my native language (Polish)

Apr 7
The blog post I wanted to write for a long time, but for some strange reason (fear of being judged, embarrassing myself, people laughing at me...!) I waited almost a year to finally publish it. 

Have you ever felt embarrassed or stressed about speaking your own language? I have. For quite a long time. About 13 years.  

I moved to the UK in July 2007 and within about 2 years I started noticing that my native language, Polish, was starting to get worse. Here's what contributed to that: when I moved to the UK I stopped reading and watching TV in Polish and my only contact with the language was speaking with my parents and my best friends Kasia and Sandra. 

I remember my mum telling me back then: I'm really worried that you're forgetting words in Polish... you sometimes sound weird and your Polish accent is different too. She was right. I would often forget words, I would translate English sentences directly to Polish and that often resulted in funny sentences that were grammatically incorrect.

That's when I started feeling very nervous about speaking Polish with my uncles, aunties, cousins and Polish people I didn't know. Why? Because I didn't want to look like an idiot. I didn't want them to judge me and laugh at me. Before every visit at for example my uncle's or auntie's house, in my head I would try to prepare answers in Polish to the most common questions I was sure they would ask me about my life in the UK (my work, studies etc.). Despite this, I still sometimes (OK, often...) found it difficult to find the right words to talk about various aspects of my life. That used to make me feel incredibly nervous. My heart would beat faster, I would blush or go all red. I felt like an idiot. For quite a few years.

Don't take your mother tongue for granted

I used to take Polish for granted. I used to think that it would always be great because it's my mother tongue. Then, about 4 years ago I watched a YouTube video in which one of the world's most famous polyglots, an Italian guy called Luca Lampariello (he speaks about 13 languages!) mentioned that apart from learning and improving many foreign languages, he also takes time to look after his mother tongue.

That got me thinking. I realised that Luca was right. I had to start looking after my Polish. So I started following a few Polish channels on YouTube (and watching their videos weekly) and about 2 years ago I started reading books in Polish too (crime and psychological novels are my absolute favourite!). And that's when I started feeling a bit better about my Polish. Only a bit though. 

Then, I remember sitting on my sofa one afternoon and as I was thinking about life in general, I suddenly thought to myself:

I have nothing to be embarrassed about!

I have 4 languages in my head (Polish, English. Spanish and Italian). It's not easy juggling them all. It's not easy to speak 'perfect' Polish having lived in an English-speaking country for almost half of my life and not having constant contact with my mother tongue.

And that's when I started accepting the way my Polish was. And like being touched by a magic wand, I stopped feeling bad about how I sound in Polish and about forgetting some words in it. 

My mistakes are quite funny now!

Honestly, now I laugh out loud every time I choose a wrong word when speaking in Polish. My mum and I have the best time laughing at my mistakes.    
Last week we were walking around Calke Abbey in Derbyshire and as we were walking past a few apple trees I said: 'Hmmm... such beautiful.. errr.... errrr... jabł...jabł...jabł.... JABŁECZNIK!' (in Polish 'jabłecznik' means 'apple pie'; jabłoń = apple tree)  
 
We laughed so hard, we almost peed ourselves. 'Well, at least I was close!' I said. 
 
If you've ever felt embarrassed about your changing native language (if you've lived abroad for quite some time), my message to you is: don't. It's not worth it. It's easy for other people to judge you. But they are not living your life. They probably don't know how difficult it is to have more than one language in their head.

Have you ever felt the same way? If so, have you overcome this feeling? Or are you trying to? Drop me a private message HERE. I would love to hear from you!

Paulina x

P.S. Forgetting words in any language (your mother tongue or not) is completely normal. Make sure to follow my Instagram channel as this week I'll be sharing tips on what to do or say when you forget some words during your IELTS exam and in everyday conversations in English too!


Created with